How does one break the bond of the abusive mother without feeling guilty?

Real question courtesy of lilsistryingtohelpbigbro: How does one sever the ties of an abusive mother, without feeling guilty?

My brother and I were severely abused as children by our mother, and stepfather. I have severed all ties for many years now and am doing fine. My brother on the other hand is still struggling. He wants to sever ties with her, but says he can’t because he feels to guilty, stating that this is our “mother”. The emotional abuse still continues for him. He is in therapy, and has me for support. But I am at wits end, I hate to see him suffer at her hands, but unable to give him the right advice. Has anyone else gone through something similar and can give advice? Thank you.

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Most practical answer:

Answer by fuzzy_gal17

why the hell should he feel guilty , shes obviously no mother of yours !!! ask him to move in with you for abit so you can help him even more, !! by the way, well done for escapng more of the abuse and tell the police!

Answer by eyJude

Get the book TOXIC relationships… which will help him see this kind of treatment will splash over into his relationships with women.

Let him know that he can avoid her for long periods of time until he is healthy enough to deal with it agin IS OK.

problem is that being from that kind of relationship will always push his buttons with out his knowing.

in therapy is good. but HE MUST SEVER contact until he is healty.

Its like having a disease … you stay away from the souce of the disease until you are healthy enough to deal with it. (alcoholics / drug addicts must stay away forever)

He unfortunately is addicted to their treatment… but if you can help him move away that would help. (and even physically move out of the area isn’t a bad idea)

good luck… I am still dealing with this and I am over 50

Answer by Lady Kelly

How old are you and your brother now? It’s hard to tell from what you say, but I’d be tempted to get him to a different therapist if he’s been seeing this one for awhile and there’s been no improvement. It’s great that he’s open to the idea, because most people do need professional help sorting through all this stuff, but not all therapists are competent, and you should expect to start seeing progress fairly quickly.

And while I’m sure your advice has been sound, he probably won’t take it. He needs to learn to take his anger at all this and stop turning it inward, which is what causes guilt and/or depression. And it’s usually fear of some sort that makes a person reluctant to work through this anger. But that’s what the therapist is for, and he may not be seeing a good one.

Have any idea far better?

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Music video by Lauren Alaina performing Like My Mother Does. (C) 2011 19 Recordings, Inc.

How does one break the bond of the abusive mother without feeling guilty?